From: Susan Smith
Sent: Monday, July 29, 2019 10:50 AM
To:
Subject: 7/29 check-in
Sent: Monday, July 29, 2019 10:50 AM
To:
Subject: 7/29 check-in
Hi,
It’s been a little over 6 weeks now since my life changed with this
diagnosis. July is almost over and busy times approach in August with
school starting for my boys as well as soccer and piano. Gabriel starts
middle school in 6th grade and Philip will be in 3rd
grade. Jimmy’s mom leaves on Friday and Jimmy’s will work lots of OT in
August.
No, I’m not better yet. I really wish I was, so much. People
keep asking me if I’m better and when I will return to work. It’s hard
telling people that I’m not better yet and I don’t know when I will return to
work. While I have more facial movement and I almost look normal, I do
not feel normal and that is really frustrating. The pain in my back skull
and left ear persist. Bell’s Palsy sucks. This sucks.
Last week I went to a new doctor and they took some x-rays that turned
out good, but they want to get a MRI now of my neck and spine since I’ve had
lots of pain in my left neck and my left arm & left leg feel weak (and
that’s not symptomatic of Bell’s Palsy). What if I have a pinched nerve
somewhere that is causing all of this? I asked that doctor, “When will I
know that I can return to work?” and he said, “You can return to work when you can
make it through a few days in a row of not having to rest and not feeling pain,
and you can make it to bedtime still feeling energetic.” I’ve not had
that happen yet. And I want to add in, “while not on medicine.”
I’ve been inconsistent with the medicine because I don’t like taking
pills. I’ll take the medicine and then feel okay, so I stop taking the
pills and then feel bad, so I start taking the pills and feel good and then
stop taking the pills and feel bad. A cycle. So, I’m going to be
consistent w/ taking the medicine for a while. But, I will want to feel
good off of medicine because I would not want to return to work while I’m
medicated and feeling good, then stop the medicine and feel bad again and have
to leave work again.
Geez this is so slow.
This is my last week of sick time. Isn’t it amazing that I was
able to take 7 weeks of sick leave? I’m so grateful. I mean,
I did not work in July and will get a full paycheck for July. That’s
amazing. Then, I have 4.5 weeks of vacation time. Gosh I hope to
return to work in August. It would be very hard to still be on FMLA in
Sept and not get a paycheck. Plus, I miss interacting with so many
awesome people, from my colleagues to the students we serve.
Typically, I am a positive person and I know you guys know this, but I
admit this is just so hard and such a struggle, physically and mentally.
I want this to go away and I want this all just to be a memory.
Soon. Now! But, this is slow and extremely frustrating.
I really miss you, all of you, our CSU Global family.
I’m cheering on the Enrollment team for Fall B, esp since it starts on my
birthday. I’m really hoping turning 38 will be a new, good chapter in my
life.
Oh, and I’m listening to Dare to Lead by B Brown on Audible.
So good!
Susan
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