Bell's Palsy update to my colleagues at work on 7/19/19

From: Susan Smith
Sent: Friday, July 19, 2019 1:18 PM
To:
Subject: 5 week check-in

Hi,

Tomorrow marks 5 weeks since I went to the ER and I write with an update.

I am officially out on FMLA now and have sick time up through 8/1, then I’d have 4.5 weeks of vacation to take if I need it. 

I had previously said many times, “We get so much paid time off at CSU Global that I’d never be able to use it all unless I have an emergency.”  Here I am in the midst of an emergency and I give thanks for the FMLA and time off. 

I’ve been to an acupuncturist and she said I have, “the worse and most painful case of Bell’s Palsy I’ve ever worked with” and she specializes in the nervous system.  I’m also going weekly to a chiropractor and he said today that, “of the 100 cases of Bell’s Palsy I’ve treated, you have the strongest and most intense case I’ve seen.” 

I feel like it was getting worse and worse each day for the first 4.5 weeks and then the past few days have been like a plateau of not getting worse or better.  This just feels so slow.  It’s also confusing to feel like I have a “good” day and then a few “bad” days.  I hope I am now on the part of the plateau in which I get better and better each day.  

Life really can change in a single moment.  I had never even heard of Bell’s Palsy and then I get diagnosed with it.  I’ve never really thought of my nervous system and now it consumes my thoughts.  

I’m sure you want to know when I will return to work and I will tell you both that I ask myself this question constantly.  When will I be “ready” and I don’t know, so there’s no answer right now.  The research says Bell’s Palsy can last 2 weeks to 6 months and I get a lump in my throat when I think about being out for 6 months.  I want to come back now and yet I do know I’m not ready, not even close really. 

I will take this weekend to make a decision about returning by my 38^th birthday and Fall B, both of which fall on the same day of August 12^th.  I will communicate with you two as soon as I can early next week so you know if we need to give my Fall B pipeline away… too.

I feel I should apologize that this illness is taking so long, but I admit I am not in control at all of my body’s response and this illness, which is a humbling realization because I want to believe I am strong.  However, I admit there is so much going on physically and I am also now starting to address the mental aspects of all of this too.

I promise I will come back to work as soon as I can.  I want to ensure I am ready for the demands of working 8 hours a day and recognize I will need to rebuild strength on all levels before I return because I am very weak right now.

CSU Global is such a part of me, my life and my identity.  I miss it all so much - you guys, everyone, the work, the job, the students, the processes, everything. 

Caringly,

Susan