SusanElizabethSmith

Born and raised in Littleton, Colorado until the age of 18 created a stable base for the traveling life that has taken me from Knoxville, Tennessee to Costa Rica to Boulder, Colorado back to Heredia, Costa Rica and again to Littleton. Along the way learning about my contributions to this planet and my karma, I am now dedicated to my self-care plus relationships with my family and friends, a stable yoga practice, creating healing art, maintaining a simple life and love & compassion. Namaste.

Wednesday, August 14, 2019

Bell's Palsy update to my colleagues at work on 7/10/19

From: Susan Smith
Sent: Wednesday, July 10, 2019 10:23 AM
To:
Subject: one step forward, two steps back

Hi,

I’m writing early this week for my check-in because I already don’t think I will make my desired return date of Monday the 15^th. Boo. I’ve been feeling a lot of anxiety about not making another deadline and worrying about returning to work before I am ready, so I want to let you know now instead of waiting until Friday.

I’ve literally been in bed for 3.5 weeks and think I will need some more time for the pain to go away, then for me to gain some physical & mental strength back so that I can return to work and be able to do the job 40 hours a week on the phone and the computer. I mean, I’ve not left my house for almost a month except to go to the dr a few times.

So, instead of putting another hopeful date, I may just leave it open as to not pressure myself and give false expectations for all.

I’m really sorry. This is so hard.

The MRI came back normal. My brain is okay. That’s good. I still have a lot of pain though and that’s not good.

Gabriel asked me last night, “Do you miss working?” I said without hesitation, “Oh yes, very much so, especially my colleagues, my friends.” And it’s very true, I miss you all so much. I really miss the stand-ups and daydream about them regularly.

I thank you all again for being so great and helping me in so many ways. I received the team’s card and that brought me so much love and hope that once again my heart overflowed with gratitude.

With care,

Susan

Bell's Palsy email update to my colleagues at work on 7/5/19

From: Susan Smith [mailto:susan.smith@csuglobal.edu]
Sent: Friday, July 05, 2019 11:07 AM
To:
Subject: July 5th check-in

Dear,

Well, I am writing to communicate I am not ready to return to work on Monday, July 8^th (L) and will hope I will be better by Monday the 15^th to return. While I am slowly getting better, slowly, I still have pain and spend most of my time in bed. I have some facial movement and the pain is less, but this is turning out to be a very slow, slow, slow improvement process. It’s been so nice to have Jimmy’s mom here this week and she’s been super helpful (she was a nurse). So, that’s that and I really miss you all.

Thank you for your support. It helps so much to not have to worry about work and know that CSU Global is full of wonderful, caring people.

Susan

Bell's Palsy 6/29/19 update to my colleagues at work

From: Susan Smith [mailto:susan.smith@csuglobal.edu]
Sent: Saturday, June 29, 2019 11:24 AM
To:
Subject: end of June check-in

Hello,

I am writing to check-in.

I was diagnosed with Bell’s Palsy two weeks ago and the past two weeks have been one of the most difficult experiences of my life in terms of pain. It seems there is a broad spectrum with Bell’s Palsy in terms of duration and intensity. This second week was worse than the first because the relentlessness of the pain was debilitating. I’ve learned so much about the power and depth of pain. While I know it could be worse, the only way I can describe this illness for me so far is “pain.” And, I know it could be worse. I tell myself I will get better. This will go away. For now though, this has been a terrible and horrible time for me, crippling.

The flowers that CSU Global sent me are right by my bed and they comfort me. I cannot do much due to the pain, so I often just lay in bed and stare at the flowers. Thank you again for the beautiful flowers that continue to bring me gratitude.

I’ve been so bad that I went to the dr again yesterday and they pumped me up with some super powerful pain medication, which I both hate and appreciate. He also suggested getting a MRI to see what’s causing so much pain as well as maybe see why my left arm and left leg are getting weak, tingly and numb. I mean, did I maybe actually have a stroke and the Bell’s Palsy is a false diagnosis? So, I will likely do that this weekend if it gets bad enough at an ER or wait until next week for an out-patient MRI (my preference).

I share this with you all to help you explain that I may likely not return to work on July 8^th. There’s no way I could work if I am then as I am now. I cannot even take care of myself, nor my kids. My boys have been staying at my parents and my mother-in-law arrives today from CR for five weeks. I’m completely dependent on Jimmy and my parents for… almost everything. So, if not July 8^th, then my goal will be July 15^th, which I really feel like will be more realistic. At this time, I do not think I could return to work on July 8^th. Oh sob, that sucks. I miss you guys and I miss working. I miss DCs and registering students, I do.

OK, give my love to all at CSU Global and please extend my gratitude for the support I’ve received from so many. I like receiving cards in the mail… 3450 West Alamo Place, Littleton, CO 80123. You have my permission to share info about me with others.

Keeping hope close,

Susan

Bell's Palsy 6/21/19 update to colleagues at work

From: Susan Smith [mailto:susan.smith@csuglobal.edu]
Sent: Friday, June 21, 2019 10:36 AM
To:
Subject: Surrendering

Hello My Dear Colleagues,

Ok, I surrender. My Bell’s Palsy is spreading and getting worse. I’m in a lot of pain and I can’t control the hurt away. I’m going to a dr today at 1pm and then to a Neurologist on Tuesday.

So, I just requested sick-time until July 8^th and hope to return then. If I’m not ready by then, let’s hope for July 15^th. I’m so thankful for the abundance of sick-time we get here and having such a supporting team.

I’ll stay in touch still and maintain hope I will start to get better soon.

OK, hold down the fort and I miss you all,

Susan

Month 2 of Bell's Palsy

7/19/19 - 6 weeks

7/23/19 - 7 weeks

7/31/19 - end of 8th week

7/25/19 - 8 weeks

2 months - 8/14/19

First month of Bell's Palsy

Week 2 - 6/26/19

Week 2/3 - 6/29/19

Week 3

Week 3 - 7/1/19

End of Week 4 - 7/11/19

Week 5 - 7/13/19

One month - 7/14/19

Week 1 of Bell's Palsy

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

Day One of Bell's Palsy - in the car after the ER

Email to my friends - Bell's Palsy - 6/16/19

My dearest friends,

I'm writing to tell you that I was diagnosed with Bell's Palsy yesterday.

I'm sure you can Google "Bell's Palsy" just like we did yesterday because I had never heard of it. Basically it is caused by a virus and it causes sudden swelling and quickly attacks the facial nerve on one side of the face. It results in paralysis and mine is the left side of my head.

My left ear has been hurting since Wednesday and I've struggled with a headache all week.

We went camping this weekend at Eleven Mile state park for Father's Day. I was driving yesterday morning to the other side of the lake so that my kids could go fishing and all of a sudden, I felt a painful spasm behind my left ear and my left face went numb. I slammed on the brakes and looked at Jimmy, he saw my face and we quickly switched driving and he then took me straight to the ER in Woodland Park, an hour away. It was a very scary drive because I thought I had had a stroke and the boys were in the backseat crying the whole time.

I have so much to be thankful for and one is that I did not have to wait at all in the ER and they were able to get me in the cat scan machine very quickly. I am very grateful for the nurse who quickly told me she did not think it was a stroke. I'm grateful they were able to quickly start me on the medicine, which consists of an antiviral medicine that I have to take for 10 days and a powerful steroid. I feel gratitude that they were able to release me from the hospital after a couple of hours.

So we drove back to the state park, got our tent and drove home last night and I'm in bed.

I cannot close my left eye and so I have to sleep with a patch on it so that it does not dry out. I need to constantly be putting in eye drops. I cannot pucker to drink and I drool when I eat. I cannot suction my mouth closed to brush my teeth. I cannot smile. I sound like I mumble when I talk. I cannot taste. My ear hurts really badly. My head too still.

My brain is fine and I can walk.

I will be okay though and the effects can last 2 weeks to 6 months. This is a very rare thing and in even more rare cases it can be permanent.

I do not know when I will be able to work.

I am thankful for my parents who came over last night to see me and they came and got my boys this morning and will keep them until tomorrow at least.

So, it could be worse. I have insurance and access to good medical care with effective medicines and so I must be hopeful. I have a caring husband and brothers... and you. I admit this is very scary, disconcerting, uncomfortable, painful, weird and unsettling. But, it won't kill me. So I count my blessings and I have many.

Ok, love,

Susan

PS - I removed FB from my phone a week ago, finally.